20 Questions

So Nathan found an article that he thought I would like. It's called 20 Questions to Ask Yourself, and I think it was on Oprah's website. Anyways, I took it and analyzed the questions accordingly.

What questions should I be asking myself?

How am I? – Pretty good. I have an amazing family, great friends, and a caring boyfriend. My classes are looking decent, I’m doing my dream college job, and I’m part of some awesome organizations that make a difference. Life’s excellent.

What’s bugging me? - Uncertainty. I wish I knew what the future holds for me, and I’m growing impatient. I’ve been told I try to plan too much, but I just call it goal oriented.

What do I like about myself? – I got this one from a women’s issue meeting I had last night. Physically, I love my dimple, beauty mark, smile, hair, curves, and shortness. On the inside, I love my random patience, sporadic thought process, sense of style, humor, and need to help.

Is this what I want to be doing?

Well, yes and no. I love being in the classroom, that’s part of why I want to teach. I just hate the grading part. I have an unexplainable nervousness that comes when I know work of mine will be judged. It makes the whole class thing difficult. But it’s what I have to do to teach, so yes, I want to do this.

Why worry?

Worrying sometimes brings about points that no one else thought of. What if our boss gets upset that we’ve got ten people standing around, just talking? Though it’s sometimes unhealthy amount for me, I can’t help it. And yes, I’ve tried.

Why do I like ________more than I like _________?

I choose to fill-in-the-blanks with “accomplishing pointless things” and “sleeping”. Trust me, I love my sleep, but I feel so much better when I’ve done something. Even if it’s meaningless like this blog entry, I still have a sense of achieving a task. It’s a problem.

How do I want the world to be different because I lived in it?

I want to make a difference secondarily through the people I meet. I want to inspire them to want to do better in school, help their community, or somehow better their life. I’ve already had a couple people personally tell me that I’ve helped them change their lives. It’s the best feeling, and I can’t help but cry tears of excitement for them.

How do I want to be different because I lived in this world?

I want to become even more open and accepting. I’m working very hard to get rid of stereotypes in my thought process, but it’s really hard. I feel that my generation has a message of tolerance and caring that I want to be a part of.

Are ________ better people?

I’m going to use “extroverted” for this one. Especially coming into my job at 2^nd semester, it’s been a bit hard to connect with the girls. I’m trying to be extroverted, but it’s just not my nature. I think it’s going to be ok, and my style will make me be just as successful as the other RA’s.

What is my body telling me?

Too much. As in, “You worry/eat/do too much”. I’m honestly trying to work on all of these areas, but my instinct and wants are posing to be hurdles.

How much junk could a chic chick chuck if a chic chick could chuck junk?

SO much. I’m the kind of girl who deletes facebook friends, just got rid of two trash bags of clothes, and completely cut off connection with someone who was a bad connection in my life. I’m moving on, but I’m also filling all that space with new things. It’s a vicious cycle…

What’s so funny?

Life! As I mentioned before, I like to plan. How often do you think that works out perfectly for me. I’ve learned to just laugh and move on. It’s better than being bitter over something you can’t change. Plus I’m in college, there’s funny stuff everywhere. Internet, classroom, down the hall, or (as in the past couple of minutes) in the elevator.

Where am I wrong?

This is probably one of the harder ones for me. I miss something in class, make mistakes on the job, and don’t always give the perfect advice. I’m human, therefore, I’m wrong.

What potential memories am I bartering, and is the profit worth the price?

I could be at another college, still at home, or making my own in some rundown apartment working a job I hate. I’d say I’m where I want to be and I’m making all sorts of memories. (Check my facebook pics to verify!)

Am I the only one struggling not to _______ during ______?

“Scream” “impossible homework”. I sometimes can’t figure out my homework and I just scream to let my frustrations out. I’m sure I’m not the only one….right?

What do I love to practice?

My friendships. I’ve been making a conscious effort to make a closer friendships with a wide variety of people.

Where could I work less and achieve more?

My RA job. I feel like could just work to build relationships with my residents on a more personal scale, and my job performance would be 10x’s better. I’ve gotten to know some of my girls already, but nowhere near all sixty of them!

How can I keep myself absolutely safe?

Impossible. I can guard myself and follow all the safety rules, but life is never going to be completely safe. Might as well leave your guard down and enjoy the ride.

Where should I break the rules?

This actually happened in my dating life. I always had a personal rule that if I broke up with someone, that was it, no second chances. I ended up breaking this rule last semester, and I have yet to regret it. In short, our relationship was too young and undeveloped to really withstand long distance dating. When we saw each other again, the feelings were the same, and after a few months of cautiously debating it, I decided to give us a second chance.

So say I had everything I dreamed of….then what?

Share the wealth with everyone who’s been there for me. Relax and don’t worry anymore. (yeah right)

Are my thoughts hurting or healing?

I’d have to say that this process of Q&A has been pretty healing. I’ve realized a lot of little quirks about myself. I’ve seen what I need to improve, and what is good for me.

Really truly: Is this what I want to be doing?

As stated before, yes and no. I’m here for a reason, and that is a very important thing to me. I’ll be glad when my last class grade is turned in.

New Year, New Start

Ok so that's completely cliche, but I'm hoping it will hold true for me in 2011. I rang in the new year with Nathan and his family in Searcy, lots of funny moments! 2010 was hard on me but I am looking at the upcoming year with an open mind. I could ramble on and on about what didn't go right in 2010, but that defeats the purpose of my new outlook. Instead I'll share the things I'm grateful for.

1) My family and their health- My mom is getting great feedback from the doctors. They have a schedule that includes finishing the treatments! The rest of my family is doing well and it was great to see all of them this past week. I love playing around with the niblings, they're so sweet and adorable.

2) My job as a RESPECT intern- I often lose sight of how meaningful my job is/can be. There's a lot of people out there who have dealt with rape themselves, or know someone who has. I have been so caught up in getting the RA position, that I didn't put enough effort into RESPECT. I hope to change this in the upcoming semester.

3) My friends- No matter what, I can tell them anything and they're there for me. I've missed them a lot over break. I can't wait to get back to Fayetteville and hear what's going on with them.

4) My boyfriend- I guess technically he is included with the friends, but considering how much stuff he's had to hear the past few months, he deserves his own little section. He wants whats best for me, and sometimes it's not what I want to hear. I'm thankful for his patience and humor for getting me through some of the most heartbreaking and frustrating moments of the year.

5) Memories- Anyone who knows me can realize that I'm a nostalgic person. I love photos, scrapbooking, and those cute little slideshows edited to music. While I try not to dwell in the past, I know that we remember things for a reason. We learn from our mistakes, and cherish the good times. Memories are a treasure.

So while 2010 presented hurdles for me, and I'd be lying if I said I made it over all of them, it has shaped in a big way who I am today. If you would've asked me on New Year's Day last year if I thought that I'd be in the position I'm in, I'd laugh at the thought and not take it seriously.

Whoops!

Well it's been a while since I've logged on here. While it may not be good time management to type this up right now, I feel the need to update. I haven't been doing it during my night shifts for various reasons, some of them because I didn't work the night shift.

Social- I am back together with Nathan. There it's said, and to explain more would take a day and half. I am also a newly initiated member of Phi Sigma Rho and I'll become an active member of Alpha Phi Omega on Thursday night. I've made so many new friends (sisters/brothers) through these organizations. There are moments for both of them when it just hits me and I know I joined the right place. Phi Rho fulfills my nerdy, girly side while APO fulfills my need to serve others and have a wide variety of friendships. Along with these groups comes a lot of time committments though, and I'm definitely feeling it.

School- Academics weren't going so well at the beginning of the year because I was too stressed out on everything else going on in my world. Between family, strained friendships from last year, trying to get involved to take my mind off things, and figuring out what my job exactly was, I never found time to just sit and study. Now I'm pulling myself out of a hole and am looking at taking a GPA hit, pretty hard. My scholarship isn't in jeopardy (knock on wood) but my Honors College status is. Hopefully the worst that happens is a semester's probation til I get my grades back up.

Work- My boss expects us to have 70 hours a semester, and I'm leading the pack with about 45 right now. We only have a month left! I don't know how she is going to react but she already said we wouldn't be fired. I'm not sure if there were even 70 hours of work offered. It's stressful but I'm working at getting more hours in this week. Between last week and this week my hours should be up to 56. Oh, a couple weeks ago, my other housing intern and I made door decs for every girl in our dorm. Ok actually one for every room but it was still a LOT of turkeys! One last thing; programming, programming, programming.

Family- I can't wait to go home for Thanksgiving next week. I wish I could say that I'll be relaxing and playing with the kids. Unfortunately, I have too much studying to do, and the kids won't be there for very long. Just to be home for almost a week will be amazing though. It may be a tempting taste of Christmas Break that will leave me wanting more time though.

Friends- While, as stated before, I'm making new friends in other organizations, I don't ever get to see my friends from last year. It takes a miracle to be able to see more than one of them at a time. It's usually my busy schedule, but it comes off as if I'm hanging out with my new friends over the ones who have been there for me. It's just that when I'm with the organizations, it's usually a required event.

So much to do, so little time!

Back to normal(ish)

So once again it's Friday night at the desk...



It's parents weekend= lots of random parents around til midnight, then the girls leave for parties and come back at the wee hours of the morning.



This doesn't seem to be smart considering the game starts at 11:21 tomorrow...

Speaking of, I'm glad I got my nap in earlier because I likely won't be able to sleep til tomorrow night after 10ish. Crazy!



I slept out at the stadium last night, and it was surprisingly comfortable. It was kinda cool to fall asleep under the stars of Fayetteville and wake up when people were walking by to go to class (in a socially acceptable manner haha)



I have the most amazing friend for bringing me a drink to my shift :) Thanks Ciara!!!



I really hope it doesn't rain for gameday. Painting would NOT work. Not to mention how miserable it would be.



A girl just asked if she could feed the fish. 1) It's 1 AM, go to bed. 2) No, that's done during the day. 3) Don't pout when I say no. It's a fish, you're not 5.



The blustery wind keeps making the doors slam shut. It's kinda funny to watch the girls jump as they walk in.



dear insomnia,

We're doing this again?

sincerely, College Student



ha ha I like dearblankpleaseblank.com



How did I finish a Route 44 in an hour and a half?!



Yay...my shift is over! Now time to shower and get ready for the game! WPS!

An eerie October night

So over half of campus has left this weekend...there are about 20 cars left in the parking lot.

I honestly don't even feel like typing tonight...I'm watching Beauty and the Beast..shhhh.

Ciara came and kept me company, but I decided to release her of her friendly duties so she could get some rest. No need in both of us suffering.

I'm going home tomorrow!! I've seen my parents twice this week already, but I wanna go home. I haven't been in a while, and it'll be nice to get away.

I haven't seen anyone in about 30 minutes. Getting really creepy quiet.

Nathan showed me Kingdom Hearts 2 last weekend...it's awesome. I wanna learn to play (if I ever have time)

I can't wait to sleep! Waaaaay too many early mornings this week. I had 11 hours of RESPECT from last Friday to today. So much for only needing 70 a semester!

Well, like I said, not really into writing tonight. So that's all.
Night!

Desk...It's OCTOBER!

Wow the time has really flown by! October already and a chill of fall in the air. Gotta love this time of year.

So I will only have about an hour and a half of randomness tonight since my epic friend, Ciara, came and entertained me for a long while tonight. My girls and I went late night at Papa John's/Quizno's and then to Bikes, Blues & BBQ for the sight. Add in some fro-yo, stargazing in the Greek Theater, and hot chocolate from Starbucks= Amazing time!

So if you walk in intoxicated, don't shush obviously...I'm not dumb.

I didn't post last week because I took the night off to camp out for the Alabama game...totally worth it! Crazy night, can't even begin to explain. Little sleep and slight dehydration made my sickness worse though, and I felt almost dead after the game. It took the rest of the weekend to recover.

Jimmy John's at 3AM? Poor delivery guys.

So I love being a pledge...I get tons of gifts :) I got a sundae glass filled with candy and a calculator and a bracelet from Phi Rho, and a red velvet cake with my name spelled out in Sour Patch kids from my APO big sis. Such cool stuff!!

I missed my family. I felt bad that I wasn't really up to visiting after the Alabama game. I get to see my brothers and their families tomorrow (today) for the Beauty and the Beast sing-along movie. Wish my sis and her family could come too!

Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play.

So many people left campus this weekend. It's pretty quiet except for all the bikers.

Sleeeeeeepy. It was a hectic/busy day. I'll be glad to sleep in my nice warm comfy bed.

A group of girls came up when we were sitting out at the Greek Theater, and they reminded me of my group last year. Then it struck me, I'm already looking back on college days. I feel old.

Along the same lines, my high school's homecoming was tonight, and I really didn't care either way. Last year I was upset that I didn't get to make it back for homecoming. This year I haven't even paid attention to who they're playing and what the scores are. It's a bit weird, but I'm moving out of my small town roots.

I met a lot of people camping out last week. It's an awesome feeling to walk around and know so many people on such a large campus. It makes me feel like I'm actually doing something besides killing myself with academics and service while I'm here ha ha

Well...my shift is FINALLY coming to an end. Til next week, Woo Pig Sooie! (I know it's an off week but still)

Desk duty thoughts 9/17

yoohoo in a juice carton and banana chips tonight :)

also have my skype up on my laptop so I can chat with friends since some have agreed to stay up and talk to me. So awesome of them.

Considering joining Phi Sigma Rho (math,science, and engineering sorority)- I went to dinner tonight and they gave me a bid. I have til Sunday night to decide...

Powerade is amazing when I seriously am thirsty.

I have stressed myself out this week but this weekend has a day of football and relaxation. Just 10 hrs away!!

My eyes are so heavy tonight. I'm actually afraid of accidently falling asleep.

I like dancing in my chair when no one's around

It's been a busy week with RESPECT. SO many hours of work!

Writing people up isn't fun

Just keep going, just keep going...an hour til sleep :)

Can't wait to watch the Hogs beat Georgia!

I wish they would get the A/C fixed down here on the first floor...

"I know the heart of life is good"- I really like this lyric by John Mayer

How hard is it to follow a 3AM curfew?! Go to bed!!

I have a new name badge to wear when I'm working for RESPECT. It's all official with my name and photo id and everything :)

What this blog was originally about...

The title of this blog is Rachel's Ramblings, based on the fact that I tend to ramble whenever I talk. I've gotten better about this over the years, but I'm considering an experiment; typing up all my random thoughts during my midnight-4AM desk shift. I have so many things that I would normally say or text people about, but no one is awake. I also wouldn't want to be one of those annoying facebook friends that update their status 12 times a day. I just want to type them out, read them later, and decide whether or not it's actually worth typing. If nothing else, it should produce some (not actually) funny ideas.

Football game is in Little Rock this weekend, leaving the campus half empty. Apparently, if you're not at the game, you should be home. Luckily, my parents are coming up here.

My car scares me. It almost didn't stop going down a hill and then skidded all over the road on the same hill when I was driving the other day. Dad came and looked at it, and said there was nothing wrong. I'm still not completely convinced, but I'll have to drive it again eventually.

I feel weird putting up a "Back in 5 min" sign to leave the desk, when I haven't seen anyone for almost 20 minutes.

the RA on duty is always entertaining to chat with, because you're both "sleep-drunk"

sleep drunk involves the delirious way you start acting from lack of sleep

Route 44 lemonberry slush is the perfect desk companion

How did I not get a Pandora account years ago?!

Sleepy RA's hunting down a beetle at the front desk...great footage for Reggie :P

Rice Cake snacks are a healthy option; until you eat the whole

Making my schedule on Excel seems so "adult" but it has to be done

Why in the world would other people be up right now? Other than RA's, you have no reason to stay awake til 4!

Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high- dreamy song while sleepy :)

Tingly, asleep foot is really bothersome

My phone pretty much needs charged every night, and I'm always afraid it will die before it gets charged

My friends and I are amazed at how dumb guys can be. When you try to politely say you just want friendship, they assume you're playing hard to get. It's an age old problem and we keep using Pride and Prejudice as an example.

Why is there such an abundance of post-its around here?!- every size, color, and style I can think of.

Only a handful of people know I blog, and even less have read it. Maybe once I get this as a constant thing, I'll let it go more public...

Well that wraps it up for tonight (..er...this morning?) Time for my relief and some sleep.

Don't forget that I posted two blogs tonight if you're trying to keep tabs on me :P

And so it begins. Year II....

So to start off, I can already tell this year is gonna take every last bit of my patience and strength at times. Why? Well, let's just look at what my life is about right now.

1) Once again separated- It's almost like Freshman year-part 2. Not only am I away from my family, I no longer live with all my friends from last year. Disadvantage- not knowing what's going on with all my friends and feeling disconnected from the Pomfret group. Advantage- making so many new friends and getting to know my staff. Which brings me to the second point.



2) R.E.S.P.E.C.T.- my job. I went through training #1, now have training #2 going on. Until it's done, I'm trying to remember the girls I meet in my dorm, working with the RA's and figuring out good programs for the organization. I've got my calender all sorted out with events and Also, desk duty from 12-4 AM every Saturday morning. It's quite the show. I've learned to embrace my authoritative side, and have found it extremely useful/effective!



3) Classes- Cal 3, Honors Cultural Anthropology, Spanish Intermediate II, Discrete, and Philosophy have my brain going in so many different directions. I feel like I need to sit and study more than ever, yet have less time than ever. It's going to take a study schedule for me to keep on top of everything this year.

4) Frequent caller minutes?-If there were such a thing, I'd have a whole stack of them from the amount I have talked to my mom in the past month. I not only want to check on her in light of recent events, but also because of how fast my life is. I will call her and tell her everything so that she knows before I forget to tell her later. Some days, the busy/stressful one, will be a series of short check-ins while others are long deep conversations. I know there are other people that I could talk to, but it's just easier to talk to her when I already have another reason to call. I just hope she's not getting annoyed with all of the random calls.

I wrote this about three weeks ago, but just got back to it and tweaked it accordingly. It may sound a bit stressed/whiny, but that was before I got into a feel of things. It's been quite the adjustment for the past month, but I'm getting it. No matter what comes, you gotta keep living and pray for the best.

22 days left of my 90 days of summer...

Where have the other 68 gone?!

I feel like I was too busy rushing through work and school at the beginning of the summer, that I forgot to slow down and enjoy it. I have less than a month left and most of that time is claimed by my job. The most frustrating part is that I don't even have that many hours at work. The hours I do work restrict the things I can do before I go in, and I'm too tired after to do anything. I wonder if having a job was really the best idea. Looking back, I had a "wish" list of things I wanted to do this summer, and maybe I've crossed them off the list....just not how I thought I would.

*See something that moves me- when I first thought of this, I thought of an act of kindness, possibly going with a volunteer job. However, I was really moved when I went to the OKC memorial this past weekend and went through the museum. I was only 3 (about to be 4) at the time it happened, so I didn't have much memory other than the trial. The sudden impact it had on countless lives and the rush to aid those in need got to me. I found myself biting back tears walking through the museum; some of sadness, some angry, and some happy for the support of the families affected.

*Visit friends- I dreamed this may have something to do with out of state trips to friends, or frequent trips to Fayetteville. Instead it's been more of a goal to get to see my friends that are living around here. We have to schedule at least a few days in advance to make sure we can see each other. I still can't wait to see all my Fayetteville friends in a month.

*Make new friends- This, I assumed from previous experience, would come from my summer class. While I did meet a few people in there, most were older and didn't really relate to me. Surprisingly, I've made a few friends at work, and I'm actually going to be a little sad leaving some of them in a little over two weeks. I thought I'd be glad to be gone after my first week there.

*Spend family time- If you know my family, you know this was going to happen, regardless. My sister having a baby and my brother getting married just added more time than we usually all have together. I've seen my sister for as much time in the past couple of months as my whole freshman year probably. I'm glad to be able to see my niblings grow up.

*Vacation-Usually my family takes a week long vacation during the summer. Since my parents took vacation days for my new nephew and my brother, we had a short vacation to OKC to see my 7 year old nephew play baseball. We got to take my niece to the zoo, soaked up some sun, and (as mentioned before) stopped by the OKC memorial on the way out. It was a packed 3 days, but left me well rested.

*Become stronger in faith- I'd printed out a Bible study before I left school, but now it's lost in my boxes and shamefully I haven't even attempted to start on it. I had plans for going to church every Sunday, which was cancelled out by working every Sunday. The only thing that has gotten stronger about my faith is my praying. The stress of work and school brought me to states of utter insanity. It's not that either was hard, just time consuming. I prayed, and still do, for patience and calm. There were a couple nights my last week of school (when I had a quiz, class presentation, and final on top of 35 hours of work) that I thought I'd just be good to get by through it all. I ended up making an A on all the class stuff and not having any kind of mental breakdowns at work.

*Learn something outside of books- Class discussions brought up many interesting and controversial topics, as to be expected in college. The most interesting thing to me though was my Kenyan professor's point of view on world events as he gave us a picture of what things are like over in Africa. It made me think of studying abroad, not neccesarily to Africa, but I'm a bit afraid to cross the ocean.

*Learn something with books-It's amazing to me how much history doesn't get covered in public high schools. I was lucky to get past World War I, and it was so nice to go into detail about the causes and events leading through World War II, Cold War, and into present day terrorism.

*Read for fun- I imagined I would have all this time to relax and read. I have no idea what I was thinking! I finally got around to checking a book out a couple weeks ago, started reading it, didn't like it, and then realized today it's past due. I think I might give up on this one.

*Forgive and forget-This one has to do with forgiving those who hurt me. Honestly I have forgiven, it's the forgetting that isn't easy. I'm working on being friends, but it's hard. Unfortunately there's been another added to the list during the summer making the job that much more.

*Organize- If you know me, you know I'm a mess. I was hoping to get things under control this summer in practice for living in a room by myself come fall. This is still a work in progress...but there's still hope!

*Be helpful- I'd planned to help out more around the house; clean a bit, cook dinner, etc.... but mom's always home for dinner, whereas I don't get home til around 9. Cleaning is hard to do when you're sitting at home with no motivation or help and a list of a thousand things you'd rather be doing.

*Volunteer-I'd hope to at least take part in the Habitat for Humanity work that I'm an officer of, but it seems that no matter what days I get off, there is never a build on that day. I guess I'll just have to save it for fall.

*Study for fall semester- I'm actually attempting this starting this week. I have my Spanish flash cards and Calculus book. I'm going to try to get a head start on Spanish Intermediate II and Cal III to keep good grades this semester so my honors college status isn't in jeopardy.

*Re-style myself-This originally was thought to be a hair cut and work-out routine. I've decided that the work-out will wait til I'm better equipped on campus and my friend talked me into waiting to cut my hair. We're going to both donate our hair at the same time, so I have to wait til her hair is long enough. Insteadk, I've made minor changes, new make-up, a bit of a tan, and new "girly" clothes.

I hope that everyone else's summer has lived up to their expectations, and if not, look again. You may have done everything you wanted in a different way.

What I Learned My Freshman Year of College...

I've been meaning to write this blog for over a month now, but with finals, then baby Jacob being born, starting work, starting school, my brother getting married, Hogs making it to Super Regionals, and other craziness... I just now have the time to sit down and write!

Being in college for just a year made me learn a lot, some of it important, some not so much. I can already tell that I've changed from the small town high school girl I was, and I'm curious to see how four more years of college change me.

Don't forget your flip-flops in the shower, don't bathe in the
community bath tub.

Get to know everyone you can. The people living around you, the
housekeeper on your floor, professors, T.A.'s, people in your class. Everyone.
You never know who might become one of your best friends or a great
reference.

While first impressions are important, they can be changed over
time.

Don't worry about what others think of you. Worry more about
what you think of yourself.

One bad grade isn't the end of the world. Just realize you have
to study harder next time.

Your friends will help you tremendously. Don't ever doubt the
effectiveness of a midnight food run when you're stressed/feeling
down.

Get out and make friends. Don't sit in your room
studying/playing games all the time.

If you need help, ask for it! Don't wait til it's too
late.

Get involved. Whether it's going to sporting events,
volunteering, study groups, or all of the above, do it! You'll meet a ton of
people.

Get in line EARLY for football games. It's good bonding/making friends time and the seats are so worth it. Just make sure to cheer loud.

Don't go to your first basketball game student section alone, not knowing ANYONE if you are a girl. Take at least one friend the first time, get to know some of the people, then start hanging out with the student section crew. Otherwise, you may just meet some creepy dude that you don't realize is creepy til he stalks you on Facebook.

Heartbreaks happen, but so does love. This is true for any part of life, just take the good and the bad...and well "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"

Don't run up the Death Climb when it's iced over even with snow boots on. Unless, of course, you want your knee to be black and blue.

Don't fear rejection. Whether it's a scholarship or job
application, yeah it sucks to get turned down, but you're no worse off than
before. Don't be afraid to apply because you think you won't get it.

Put pictures in your room. It's a nice distraction to remember the stories and it tells your guests a little bit about what kind of person you are.

Don't be stupid. Just because there might be"cute boys/girls" at frat/sorority parties, doesn't mean you should go. I unfortunately walked down frat row one night with some friends on our way back to our dorm, and I don't see how girls degrade themselves enough to talk to guys who act like that. They need to go back to Junior High.

Don't dwell on your past, but don't forget where you came from. Sadly, as much as I went back home this year, I had a hard time keeping in touch with my friends from high school.

Sit outside and just watch the clouds or read a book from time to time. My favorite was going out with the girls on Friday nights and laying in the Greek Theatre, looking at the stars.

Go to class. You may feel like it's pointless sometimes (and sometimes you may be right) but if the teacher sees you in class often, they are more likely to boost your grade.

Keep your dorm somewhat clean. I'm not talking about spotless-could-eat-off-the-floor-clean, but enough that your room is presentable out of respect for your roommate and friends that come over.

Keep the syllabus around. Some teachers won't remind you of test dates, but will expect you to be prepared since they are scheduled.

It's ok to be a nerd, especially in college.

Disney movies, coloring, play-doh, and basically any other childhood things will be a neccesity for sanity sometimes.

These are all of the lessons I can remember, but trust me there are a LOT more. Hopefully I'll finally find some time to do this blogging thing, but considering my past blogging, probably not.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me!

The past few weeks have made me crazy, happy, scared, anxious, amazed, frustrated, curious, and most recently, totally grateful. I'll go topic by topic to outline just all the roller coaster happenings in my life.

Friends: My friends and I don't spend as much time together as a group anymore, mainly because we're all busy with our own things. Ciara and I have had crazy volunteer schedules, mixed in with intense class studies. Spread this out among four girls and the timing just doesn't work out well. The girls and I got to spend a lot of quality time together on our 10 day Spring Break trip. We started out in Kansas City, MO at Ciara's house, then headed to Pepper's house in Oklahoma, and finally wound up back in Arkansas at my house. It was so cool and funny to see every one's "at home" lifestyle. So many funny adventures and pictures from that trip!!

Boyfriend: Things with Nathan and I are going extremely well. He's helped me embrace even more of my inner nerd. It's awesome to watch Star Wars, joke about Big Bang Theory, and just geek out in general. It's going to be hard over the summer, but technology makes it pretty easy to keep in contact.

Finals: So the most stressful week of the semester is coming up, and I have to do well on tests to keep up good grades. I only have to keep only one A and I've already covered it to keep the GPA to stay in Honors College. I definitely am worried about World Civ because my teacher is crazy random about grading. I have two tests back to back on Saturday and my Cal II final on Thursday. It'll be crazy studying this weekend!

Summer: So far my summer plans are to take a class or two at UAFS and I have a job as a checker at Harp's. I'll not only have more money to spend and put away for the fall, but less time to hang around and use up all my money. I'm not for sure about a vacation, or even if I'll be able to take one, especially with having to ask for some days off at the beginning of the summer. Speaking of, the first few weeks of my summer, which begins in 8 days, will be exciting. My sister is expecting her baby the week after I get out, and my brother will be getting married at the end of the month. Two new family members in less than a month!!

Next fall: Perhaps the most exciting news about my Sophomore year is that I have a job! I'll be working as a Reid Hall Respect Intern, and I get free room and board. My class schedule is pretty awesome as well. Two math classes, and none of my classes start before 10:30 and end by 4:30.

So crazy, so fast, so little time!

Lose your identity, lose yourself

So the past few days have been hectic to say the least. On Thursday, I lost my wallet & keys, meaning I lost everything. I had no drivers license, student ID, debit card, keys to my truck, keys to my dorm, and even my social security card was gone.

I ended up having to cancel with the school that I tutor at on Tuesdays and Thursdays, because I had no good way to get there. Frustrated, and feeling guilty for letting down the students and bugging my friends and boyfriend who were helping me look, I went back to the dorm. I kept looking at my checking account, calling all the lost and founds on campus, and talking to my dad trying to figure out what I could do.

I had little cash and no student ID, so I couldn't eat in the cafeteria. My friends tried to take me out to eat, but I refused to let them buy me dinner. I, instead, opted for eating Ramen and a egg & sausage biscuit in my dorm room alone. It helped me think out how to go about things, and it calmed me down.

On Friday, I woke up with the hopes that someone would turn in my wallet and keys and that all would be ok. I kept checking every lost and found, to the point they recognized my voice when they answered the phone. They didn't seem to understand why I was so insistent and thorough about finding my stuff. I just wanted to scream,"You would be too if you lost all your identification, money, and keys. You try to function without them!".

All the constant looking without any progress or reward was making me more and more crazy. I felt confined and I had to depend on my roommate to give me rides and let me in the room. I just wanted to be able to drive somewhere, or do something.

The weekend passed with no news. Saturday, Ciara and I just sat around our room together because our friends had gone home for the weekend. I kept getting online and trying to find my wallet, but university offices close on the weekend. Mom and dad brought up my birth certificate and other information on Sunday.

Today, I've been able to get a new student ID and drivers license. I made sure that my debit card was still frozen, and I'm looking into getting a new one of those. I have extra keys to my truck now, but I'm still without a room key and door opener to get into my dorm.

I don't know how I would have made it through this without my parents, friends, and boyfriend, who all made me take a step back and realize that while it's an inconveinience, it's not the end of the world. I'll be able to get my life back in order before long.

Volunteer, study, sleep, eat, class, baseball, repeat.

Once again I drifted away from writing this blog, due to being tied up in too many things. My course load is just two credit hours more this semester, but an extra 5-10 hours of studying a week. Usually, if I'm in my room, I am either studying, doing homework, or sleeping. That's not to say I don't have a social life. Actually, you might say that it's improved. I recently started dating Nathan, my friend who helped me study Cal II. He's been a good friend since about Thanksgiving Break, but I really have got to know him better this semester. More about him in a later blog though.

So lately, Ciara and I have been volunteering for everything! Apart from already being in Honors College Student Ambassadors, Lead Hogs, and being very active in random volunteering opprotunities last semester, I've added Habitat for Humanity, Relay for Life, Diversity Impact, Loving Choices, and tutoring twice a week to the list. Sometimes when I'm having to crunch and schedule to get everything to fit in, I wonder if it's all worth it. Yet, there isn't really anything I would want to drop, because they're all really good organizations and working with them alongside my friends is part of my social time. It may be stressful sometimes, but I tell myself that someone has to help make a difference, why not me.

My only actual no-strings-attatched relax time is baseball. I only made it to one game of the opening series last weekend due to my schedule, but I hadn't realized how much I missed baseball season: the food, the family/friends, the game, the jokes, and once again, the food. I have a class that ends at 3:20 on Fridays so I'm going to have to miss first pitch until they start going to 6:00 games, but other than that, I'm making a strong effort to be at every game possible, keep my grades up, and still be involved in volunteering.

Just three weeks til Spring Break: a road trip with the girls!

P.S. I just realized I've had this blog for a year...not many entries, but still fun to look back on how much things have changed in a year :)

Life comes at you fast...

I've realized that life seems to speed up as you get into college. Homework deadlines, tests, studying, and keeping up with the extra class work takes up a lot of time lately. This semester is already starting to test my patience. It's hard finding time to just relax with my friends as the sudden increase in homework seems to be affecting all of us.

However, this semester hasn't been all studies. I finally told Coady that we weren't ever going to get back together. It was a liberating feeling, and I didn't realize before how oppressed and overwhelmed I felt with him. He never tried to make me feel that way, it was just the way it was. I noticed that I hate disappointing people, and this is not a good trait when it comes to a love life. You have to do what's best for you, and sometimes that involves moving on and learning from your experiences. It was hard on both of us, and he hated me for a while, but I'm hoping that we can be the friends we were before we started dating. He's a good person, we're just different people now.

On the same note of my love life, I have my eye on someone new. While we aren't dating, we have been friends for a few months and we click really well with each other. It's a lot easier for me to like someone I already know, and who is already part of my group of friends. It also helps that we can work with each other on Cal II homework and complain about the professor together.

I found out earlier this week that I'm in the last round of interviews for a RA position. The interview is scheduled for Saturday, but I'm not sure if the date is going to hold up with an ice storm moving in. While I'm nervous about this part in the LONG application process, I have to say that the individual interviews gave me the biggest scare. I won't find out until mid to late February whether I have a job or not. Getting this job would mean a lot more financial freedom, because I would basically have tuition and room/board paid for.

I'm looking forward to the future, but not forgetting the lessons learned from the past.

Why would you want to do that?

There's been a lot of changes in the lives of people around me lately. An engagement, pregnancy, and a birth have been the latest news in just a few months ( and these are three different couples!) It makes me wonder where my life is headed. Now before you get worried, I'm nowhere even close to considering the three mentioned life-altering things! However, being in college, I have a feeling that I should start considering what exactly I want to do professionally, and have a solid reason to back it up.



Right now when people ask me why in the world I would want to be a math major, I respond with,"To be a high school teacher". Most just accept this answer and move on, but some keep on asking, "Why?" I have no real answer to this. I usually just shrug my shoulders, smile, and say "just because". Honestly though, I don't know why I want to be a math teacher! It's just a hunch. Ok maybe more than a hunch, but I think it'd be a bit much to describe it as a calling. It's just what I want to do. I think.

What really got me was seeing my friend, who is the same age as me, and her newborn baby tonight. I realized that I have nearly all the freedom and ability to do whatever I want to with my life, while she will have to consider how her decision will affect her family. I feel almost wasteful not knowing what to do with the freedoms, advantages, and skills I have.

My guide of what not to wear on campus

So since I've started college, I've notice a lot of...um...interesting fashion choices on campus. My roommate and I have decided to compile a list of things that should NOT be worn, no matter how good someone says it looks.

1. leggings with t-shirt- A shirt is just that, and not a dress. On a similar note leggings are not pants. If your "pants" are made completely out of a stretchy material, you might want to consider covering yourself up a little more.

2. wearing high heels on regular basis-We live on "the Hill"! There is no reason to walk to classes in four inch stilettos. It's not impressing anyone and the podiatrist bill later will not be kind.

3. low cut shirts without camisole - Some companies make shirts that require an undershirt to accompany them. In this area, the less skin shown, the more attractive the outfit is. It is NOT appealing to see your bra, no matter how "cute" of a design it has.

4. Large muffin tops- I realize that muffin tops are a regular thing, but this is not about the everyday muffin top. This is about the rolls of muffin tops. I realize that you may be having weight issues, but buying pants 6 sizes too small isn't going to help anything. You would look a lot better with pants that better fit your form and show off your curves in a positive way.

5. Ugg boots/rain boots with short shorts-Just seems like a contridiction. You have the nice furry boots to keep you warm, but then the short shorts that barely cover you? Are your legs immune to cold weather?

6. shirts from other SEC colleges-Ok so I get that you may have picked these free shirts up when touring and choosing colleges, and thanks for choosing the U of A. But thats the thing, you chose the U of A. Now I have no problem with you taking advantage of a free t-shirt, but don't wear the shirt of an opposing team on game week. Also, under no circumstances is it ok to wear an opponents team colors/ shirt on game day especially in the student section.

7. wearing dresses to football games- football games are sports events, NOT social events. It's hard to jump up in down for your team in a slinky dress. Oh and the high heels rule applies here too.

Well this is all of the fashion peeves I can think of right now, but I'm sure there's more!

Ready for the weekend

So at the beginning of this week, I was really stressed out. I mean tears all over the place, on the edge of hyperventilation, nervous wreck type of stressed out. Why? Because of a Calculus test.

So to back track, on Sunday my friends got up to go to church. I got up bright and early with them, but I immediately started in on my Calculus book. I did problem after problem with 5 min study breaks every now and then to get on the internet and heat up some soup for lunch. It wasn't until 5:30 that night that I realized that I hadn't been off my floor all day and 95% of my time was in my room with my door shut. I had just been doing problems til I got them right with no trouble at all. So after I finally left my room to eat dinner downstairs, I decided I was prepared enough and took the rest of the night off. Between my first class and Cal, I took another hour to cram.

I went into the test feeling really prepared, came out feeling defeated and I thought I had failed. I went back to my dorm and just cried. I was already struggling in the class and I knew that a failed test could bring my grade down, and my scholarship would be in jeopardy. I felt like there was nothing that I could do, and it just felt like everything was crashing down.

I finally got my test back on Wednesday, and what did I get? An A. After all that worry and stress I made not just an ok, but an awesome grade considering the difficulty of the course. Needless to say, I was relieved.

Through all this, the curious thing that got me was that my ex-boyfriend, who is now just a really good friend, was there for me. He kept checking in on me to see if I'd heard anything about the test and constantly telling me that I was smart and it would be ok. It was weird because even though we're friends and were really close in the past, I just wasn't expecting that. He wasn't like that towards that at the end of our relationship, which is one of the reasons that it ended.

He has apologized multiple times and while I forgave him, I just never really believed him. Then he told me about the conversation he had with his mom, and how that made him realize that he needed to grow up and that he wasn't in high school anymore. That made me respect him a lot more. The way he's acted the past week is more like someone I would want to hang out with and get to know. I'm not at all implying that I'm interested in dating him again, just saying I'm interested in knowing if this is a true change of character.

I just wanted to jot down these thoughts now so I can see in a month or so whether or not they're the same.

But after all that this week, I am so ready for the weekend!! Hog basketball tonight, football tomorrow, and a lazy Sunday filled with a little homework. Much needed relaxing!

My favorite things

So my sister, who is the pretty much the only one that reads this blog, requested me to do this and get back to blogging. As you wish, sis.


The rules: share five things you're obsessed with

#1. My phone: I feel weird if I go anywhere without my phone. Even if I'm not always using it, I don't like it when people can't contact me or vice-versa. For this reason I've been through many a phone lately....some lasting longer than others.

#2. Living on campus: I like being able to walk everywhere. Classes, sporting events, food, and the gym are all just footsteps away from my dorm. Also shopping is just a 1 to 10 min drive fom the dorm depending on where I'm going and how bad traffic is.

#3. Taking Random Pictures: I've learned that some of the best pics of me and friends come from when we're just goofing off. I love to take some of these pictures and print them out in black and white. They look so good and are cute little memories to keep around.

#4. Making People Smile: My friends and I've learned to pass time by "pranking" some of my other friends. These pranks are usually just random acts of kindness that end up making people smile. We've been deemed the " Birthday Bandits" but we don't do just birthdays :).

#5. Stumbleupon.com: A website that I've heard from a friend that takes you to awesome random websites and I've found many cool pictures and articles using it. Of course you have to sort through some not so cool things but otherwise it's great.

I'm BACK!!!

So it's been about four and half months since I last wrote on here and let's just say there is SO much that has happened. I'm in college now and loving it. My roommate has become my best friend up here and I've got a little group that I always hang out with. So since it's been so long I'll try to touch on the important changes going on.

Out of the house- but I've been home 5 or 6 times and my parents come up for every Razorback game, so it's not so bad :). Plus I have my brother up here when I miss home but don't have the time to drive back. I've only hung out with him one night though other than just having food after football games.

New friends- Ciara, my roommate, Pepper and Madison, roommates from down the hall, and Brad, guy that I met on my first day here. This is my group that I'm always around. We've been here for each other through everything. It helps a lot to have them constantly making jokes and putting me in a better mood when I'm feeling down.

Relationship status- single. After 10 months of dating Coady and I broke up. It was probably one of the hardest things I had to do, but I had to do it. He wasn't very mature about me moving off and it hurt our relationship. Since our breakup a month ago, he's seen his faults and apologized for not believing me when I pointed them out. We still talk because he was one of my best friends before all of this, but I like us being friends and can't see us as more than that right now.

Semester 1- coming to an end. I signed up for my 2nd semester classes last week. I can't believe that I've been here long enough to be preparing for the second round of freshman year. It feels as if the first round barely started! On to Cal 2 though and leaving honors Cal and it's professor behind :) He's not a mean person just a hard grader, and thats not good for people on scholarships!

Can't wait for the holidays- just want to go home with the whole family, have a nice cooked meal, play some Wii, and mess with my puppies. I guess I can't call them puppies anymore though. They're over a year old now and getting larger everytime I see them. I miss being at home sweet home.