Friday, January 28, 2011

20 Questions

So Nathan found an article that he thought I would like. It's called 20 Questions to Ask Yourself, and I think it was on Oprah's website. Anyways, I took it and analyzed the questions accordingly.

What questions should I be asking myself?

How am I? – Pretty good. I have an amazing family, great friends, and a caring boyfriend. My classes are looking decent, I’m doing my dream college job, and I’m part of some awesome organizations that make a difference. Life’s excellent.

What’s bugging me? - Uncertainty. I wish I knew what the future holds for me, and I’m growing impatient. I’ve been told I try to plan too much, but I just call it goal oriented.

What do I like about myself? – I got this one from a women’s issue meeting I had last night. Physically, I love my dimple, beauty mark, smile, hair, curves, and shortness. On the inside, I love my random patience, sporadic thought process, sense of style, humor, and need to help.

Is this what I want to be doing?

Well, yes and no. I love being in the classroom, that’s part of why I want to teach. I just hate the grading part. I have an unexplainable nervousness that comes when I know work of mine will be judged. It makes the whole class thing difficult. But it’s what I have to do to teach, so yes, I want to do this.

Why worry?

Worrying sometimes brings about points that no one else thought of. What if our boss gets upset that we’ve got ten people standing around, just talking? Though it’s sometimes unhealthy amount for me, I can’t help it. And yes, I’ve tried.

Why do I like ________more than I like _________?

I choose to fill-in-the-blanks with “accomplishing pointless things” and “sleeping”. Trust me, I love my sleep, but I feel so much better when I’ve done something. Even if it’s meaningless like this blog entry, I still have a sense of achieving a task. It’s a problem.

How do I want the world to be different because I lived in it?

I want to make a difference secondarily through the people I meet. I want to inspire them to want to do better in school, help their community, or somehow better their life. I’ve already had a couple people personally tell me that I’ve helped them change their lives. It’s the best feeling, and I can’t help but cry tears of excitement for them.

How do I want to be different because I lived in this world?

I want to become even more open and accepting. I’m working very hard to get rid of stereotypes in my thought process, but it’s really hard. I feel that my generation has a message of tolerance and caring that I want to be a part of.

Are ________ better people?

I’m going to use “extroverted” for this one. Especially coming into my job at 2nd semester, it’s been a bit hard to connect with the girls. I’m trying to be extroverted, but it’s just not my nature. I think it’s going to be ok, and my style will make me be just as successful as the other RA’s.

What is my body telling me?

Too much. As in, “You worry/eat/do too much”. I’m honestly trying to work on all of these areas, but my instinct and wants are posing to be hurdles.

How much junk could a chic chick chuck if a chic chick could chuck junk?

SO much. I’m the kind of girl who deletes facebook friends, just got rid of two trash bags of clothes, and completely cut off connection with someone who was a bad connection in my life. I’m moving on, but I’m also filling all that space with new things. It’s a vicious cycle…

What’s so funny?

Life! As I mentioned before, I like to plan. How often do you think that works out perfectly for me. I’ve learned to just laugh and move on. It’s better than being bitter over something you can’t change. Plus I’m in college, there’s funny stuff everywhere. Internet, classroom, down the hall, or (as in the past couple of minutes) in the elevator.

Where am I wrong?

This is probably one of the harder ones for me. I miss something in class, make mistakes on the job, and don’t always give the perfect advice. I’m human, therefore, I’m wrong.

What potential memories am I bartering, and is the profit worth the price?

I could be at another college, still at home, or making my own in some rundown apartment working a job I hate. I’d say I’m where I want to be and I’m making all sorts of memories. (Check my facebook pics to verify!)

Am I the only one struggling not to _______ during ______?

“Scream” “impossible homework”. I sometimes can’t figure out my homework and I just scream to let my frustrations out. I’m sure I’m not the only one….right?

What do I love to practice?

My friendships. I’ve been making a conscious effort to make a closer friendships with a wide variety of people.

Where could I work less and achieve more?

My RA job. I feel like could just work to build relationships with my residents on a more personal scale, and my job performance would be 10x’s better. I’ve gotten to know some of my girls already, but nowhere near all sixty of them!

How can I keep myself absolutely safe?

Impossible. I can guard myself and follow all the safety rules, but life is never going to be completely safe. Might as well leave your guard down and enjoy the ride.

Where should I break the rules?

This actually happened in my dating life. I always had a personal rule that if I broke up with someone, that was it, no second chances. I ended up breaking this rule last semester, and I have yet to regret it. In short, our relationship was too young and undeveloped to really withstand long distance dating. When we saw each other again, the feelings were the same, and after a few months of cautiously debating it, I decided to give us a second chance.

So say I had everything I dreamed of….then what?

Share the wealth with everyone who’s been there for me. Relax and don’t worry anymore. (yeah right)

Are my thoughts hurting or healing?

I’d have to say that this process of Q&A has been pretty healing. I’ve realized a lot of little quirks about myself. I’ve seen what I need to improve, and what is good for me.

Really truly: Is this what I want to be doing?

As stated before, yes and no. I’m here for a reason, and that is a very important thing to me. I’ll be glad when my last class grade is turned in.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year, New Start

Ok so that's completely cliche, but I'm hoping it will hold true for me in 2011. I rang in the new year with Nathan and his family in Searcy, lots of funny moments! 2010 was hard on me but I am looking at the upcoming year with an open mind. I could ramble on and on about what didn't go right in 2010, but that defeats the purpose of my new outlook. Instead I'll share the things I'm grateful for.

1) My family and their health- My mom is getting great feedback from the doctors. They have a schedule that includes finishing the treatments! The rest of my family is doing well and it was great to see all of them this past week. I love playing around with the niblings, they're so sweet and adorable.

2) My job as a RESPECT intern- I often lose sight of how meaningful my job is/can be. There's a lot of people out there who have dealt with rape themselves, or know someone who has. I have been so caught up in getting the RA position, that I didn't put enough effort into RESPECT. I hope to change this in the upcoming semester.

3) My friends- No matter what, I can tell them anything and they're there for me. I've missed them a lot over break. I can't wait to get back to Fayetteville and hear what's going on with them.

4) My boyfriend- I guess technically he is included with the friends, but considering how much stuff he's had to hear the past few months, he deserves his own little section. He wants whats best for me, and sometimes it's not what I want to hear. I'm thankful for his patience and humor for getting me through some of the most heartbreaking and frustrating moments of the year.

5) Memories- Anyone who knows me can realize that I'm a nostalgic person. I love photos, scrapbooking, and those cute little slideshows edited to music. While I try not to dwell in the past, I know that we remember things for a reason. We learn from our mistakes, and cherish the good times. Memories are a treasure.

So while 2010 presented hurdles for me, and I'd be lying if I said I made it over all of them, it has shaped in a big way who I am today. If you would've asked me on New Year's Day last year if I thought that I'd be in the position I'm in, I'd laugh at the thought and not take it seriously.