Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Why would you want to do that?

There's been a lot of changes in the lives of people around me lately. An engagement, pregnancy, and a birth have been the latest news in just a few months ( and these are three different couples!) It makes me wonder where my life is headed. Now before you get worried, I'm nowhere even close to considering the three mentioned life-altering things! However, being in college, I have a feeling that I should start considering what exactly I want to do professionally, and have a solid reason to back it up.

Right now when people ask me why in the world I would want to be a math major, I respond with,"To be a high school teacher". Most just accept this answer and move on, but some keep on asking, "Why?" I have no real answer to this. I usually just shrug my shoulders, smile, and say "just because". Honestly though, I don't know why I want to be a math teacher! It's just a hunch. Ok maybe more than a hunch, but I think it'd be a bit much to describe it as a calling. It's just what I want to do. I think.

What really got me was seeing my friend, who is the same age as me, and her newborn baby tonight. I realized that I have nearly all the freedom and ability to do whatever I want to with my life, while she will have to consider how her decision will affect her family. I feel almost wasteful not knowing what to do with the freedoms, advantages, and skills I have.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

My guide of what not to wear on campus

So since I've started college, I've notice a lot fashion choices on campus. My roommate and I have decided to compile a list of things that should NOT be worn, no matter how good someone says it looks.

1. leggings with t-shirt- A shirt is just that, and not a dress. On a similar note leggings are not pants. If your "pants" are made completely out of a stretchy material, you might want to consider covering yourself up a little more.

2. wearing high heels on regular basis-We live on "the Hill"! There is no reason to walk to classes in four inch stilettos. It's not impressing anyone and the podiatrist bill later will not be kind.

3. low cut shirts without camisole - Some companies make shirts that require an undershirt to accompany them. In this area, the less skin shown, the more attractive the outfit is. It is NOT appealing to see your bra, no matter how "cute" of a design it has.

4. Large muffin tops- I realize that muffin tops are a regular thing, but this is not about the everyday muffin top. This is about the rolls of muffin tops. I realize that you may be having weight issues, but buying pants 6 sizes too small isn't going to help anything. You would look a lot better with pants that better fit your form and show off your curves in a positive way.

5. Ugg boots/rain boots with short shorts-Just seems like a contridiction. You have the nice furry boots to keep you warm, but then the short shorts that barely cover you? Are your legs immune to cold weather?

6. shirts from other SEC colleges-Ok so I get that you may have picked these free shirts up when touring and choosing colleges, and thanks for choosing the U of A. But thats the thing, you chose the U of A. Now I have no problem with you taking advantage of a free t-shirt, but don't wear the shirt of an opposing team on game week. Also, under no circumstances is it ok to wear an opponents team colors/ shirt on game day especially in the student section.

7. wearing dresses to football games- football games are sports events, NOT social events. It's hard to jump up in down for your team in a slinky dress. Oh and the high heels rule applies here too.

Well this is all of the fashion peeves I can think of right now, but I'm sure there's more!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Ready for the weekend

So at the beginning of this week, I was really stressed out. I mean tears all over the place, on the edge of hyperventilation, nervous wreck type of stressed out. Why? Because of a Calculus test.

So to back track, on Sunday my friends got up to go to church. I got up bright and early with them, but I immediately started in on my Calculus book. I did problem after problem with 5 min study breaks every now and then to get on the internet and heat up some soup for lunch. It wasn't until 5:30 that night that I realized that I hadn't been off my floor all day and 95% of my time was in my room with my door shut. I had just been doing problems til I got them right with no trouble at all. So after I finally left my room to eat dinner downstairs, I decided I was prepared enough and took the rest of the night off. Between my first class and Cal, I took another hour to cram.

I went into the test feeling really prepared, came out feeling defeated and I thought I had failed. I went back to my dorm and just cried. I was already struggling in the class and I knew that a failed test could bring my grade down, and my scholarship would be in jeopardy. I felt like there was nothing that I could do, and it just felt like everything was crashing down.

I finally got my test back on Wednesday, and what did I get? An A. After all that worry and stress I made not just an ok, but an awesome grade considering the difficulty of the course. Needless to say, I was relieved.

Through all this, the curious thing that got me was that my ex-boyfriend, who is now just a really good friend, was there for me. He kept checking in on me to see if I'd heard anything about the test and constantly telling me that I was smart and it would be ok. It was weird because even though we're friends and were really close in the past, I just wasn't expecting that. He wasn't like that towards that at the end of our relationship, which is one of the reasons that it ended.

He has apologized multiple times and while I forgave him, I just never really believed him. Then he told me about the conversation he had with his mom, and how that made him realize that he needed to grow up and that he wasn't in high school anymore. That made me respect him a lot more. The way he's acted the past week is more like someone I would want to hang out with and get to know. I'm not at all implying that I'm interested in dating him again, just saying I'm interested in knowing if this is a true change of character.

I just wanted to jot down these thoughts now so I can see in a month or so whether or not they're the same.

But after all that this week, I am so ready for the weekend!! Hog basketball tonight, football tomorrow, and a lazy Sunday filled with a little homework. Much needed relaxing!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

My favorite things

So my sister, who is the pretty much the only one that reads this blog, requested me to do this and get back to blogging. As you wish, sis.

The rules: share five things you're obsessed with

#1. My phone: I feel weird if I go anywhere without my phone. Even if I'm not always using it, I don't like it when people can't contact me or vice-versa. For this reason I've been through many a phone lately....some lasting longer than others.

#2. Living on campus: I like being able to walk everywhere. Classes, sporting events, food, and the gym are all just footsteps away from my dorm. Also shopping is just a 1 to 10 min drive fom the dorm depending on where I'm going and how bad traffic is.

#3. Taking Random Pictures: I've learned that some of the best pics of me and friends come from when we're just goofing off. I love to take some of these pictures and print them out in black and white. They look so good and are cute little memories to keep around.

#4. Making People Smile: My friends and I've learned to pass time by "pranking" some of my other friends. These pranks are usually just random acts of kindness that end up making people smile. We've been deemed the " Birthday Bandits" but we don't do just birthdays :).

#5. A website that I've heard from a friend that takes you to awesome random websites and I've found many cool pictures and articles using it. Of course you have to sort through some not so cool things but otherwise it's great.

I'm BACK!!!

So it's been about four and half months since I last wrote on here and let's just say there is SO much that has happened. I'm in college now and loving it. My roommate has become my best friend up here and I've got a little group that I always hang out with. So since it's been so long I'll try to touch on the important changes going on.

Out of the house- but I've been home 5 or 6 times and my parents come up for every Razorback game, so it's not so bad :). Plus I have my brother up here when I miss home but don't have the time to drive back. I've only hung out with him one night though other than just having food after football games.

New friends- Ciara, my roommate, Pepper and Madison, roommates from down the hall, and Brad, guy that I met on my first day here. This is my group that I'm always around. We've been here for each other through everything. It helps a lot to have them constantly making jokes and putting me in a better mood when I'm feeling down.

Relationship status- single. After 10 months of dating Coady and I broke up. It was probably one of the hardest things I had to do, but I had to do it. He wasn't very mature about me moving off and it hurt our relationship. Since our breakup a month ago, he's seen his faults and apologized for not believing me when I pointed them out. We still talk because he was one of my best friends before all of this, but I like us being friends and can't see us as more than that right now.

Semester 1- coming to an end. I signed up for my 2nd semester classes last week. I can't believe that I've been here long enough to be preparing for the second round of freshman year. It feels as if the first round barely started! On to Cal 2 though and leaving honors Cal and it's professor behind :) He's not a mean person just a hard grader, and thats not good for people on scholarships!

Can't wait for the holidays- just want to go home with the whole family, have a nice cooked meal, play some Wii, and mess with my puppies. I guess I can't call them puppies anymore though. They're over a year old now and getting larger everytime I see them. I miss being at home sweet home.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

So much.....catch up!

Well in the month and a half that I havent been keeping up with things on here, I've turned 18, graduated high school, went to one of my best friends bridal/baby shower, celebrated 6 months with my boyfriend, applied for classes, and went to the Men's College World Series.

I'm 18 now! Not really anything different about that though. My friends tried to kidnap me and take me to a casino, I got a new driver's license, and I'm now legal to vote. My 18th birthday party was joined with my family's Mothers' Day party. My sister and mom made me a Belle birthday cake. I always wanted a homemade birthday cake but Mom usually didn't have the time when I was younger. I loved the cake and it tasted pretty good!

My next milestone was graduating. I was my class's valedictorian so I had to give a speech at graduation. I was more than nervous. Speaking in front of a thousand people was never something that I was excited about doing. I got it over with though, and suprisingly accepted two scholarships. A million pictures, a dozen cards, and a rice krispy graduation hat later, the night was over. I had my diploma to show for it. It was weird to realize that I had finished high school. I made a slide show with pictures of my senior year on it and I kept watching it amazed at how fast it all went by.

A week after graduation, we had a dinner at Chili's for my friend Randa. She is pregnant and was leaving for California to get married to her boyfriend who is in the Navy. We had a bachelorette/congrats on the baby/ goodbye party. It was so weird seeing my friend of so many years getting ready to start a completely different life. I know we were all starting something new but she was starting a whole new life with a family and everything. It's unbelievable.

My boyfriend, Coady, and I have been together for 6 months as of June 10. It may not seem like that long but for a high school relationship it is. I have never been in a relationship nearly this long. To celebrate, we went out a few days early and went to a movie. We got dressed up and watched Angels & Demons. After the movie we went and got drinks at Sweet Bay and walked around Creekmore. It was fun and relaxing and not that expensive of a date. Considering neither one of us have jobs right now thats important!

I went and applied for my college classes early in June. I met a new friend while I was up there and signed up for four classes totaling 14 hours of credit. It made me glad that I took college algebra in high school so that I get three hours of college credit to start off with.

And last but not least...College World Series! My family goes to basically all of the home Razorback games, and some of the close away ones. This year the hogs made it to Omaha! We went up there for their first two games, came home for two days then went back. Coady got to go the second time we went up there. We went to games, the zoo, a safari, this awesome sporting goods store, Cheese Burger in Paradise, KC Masterpiece, Valentinos, and T-Rex. So much fun stuff! Even though I wanted the hogs to win it all, I was glad they made it to the final four.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

My sister

since i'm pretty sure she is the only one that reads this perhaps i should title this "you" :)

My big sister is one of the most amazing people I have ever known. She is definitely a great role model and a super-woman. She has earned her PhD at the age of 27, is a mom to a beautiful baby girl, and has a kind, Christian heart. I pick fights with her all the time because i know she won't get too upset. Very rarely have i ever seen her yell out of anger, which is very surprising for as much trouble as i caused her growing up ha ha. Her academic achievements have pushed me to do my best in school and whenever I'm feeling like giving up and not caring about school, she reminds me how great of an opportunity it is once you finish. Like everyone else in my family she's a sports fanatic. I remember standing on the rails on the front row of Hog games bouncing up and down and yelling with her and my brother. She's goofy, smart, pretty, and talented. Anytime i feel down just talking to her makes me laugh and feel better. She's the first one of my siblings i tell when i have good news.
I love my crazy sister :)

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Almost there!

My Senior year is coming to an end. AP testing starts this week, then regular semester finals, senior dinner, bacculareate, senior trip, and finally graduation. My English teacher wasn't lying when she said this year would be expensive and would go by fast. I keep looking at my senior scrapbook and it seems like the beginning entries were only a couple of weeks ago and not ten or eleven months ago. Senior year has been filled with many memories including Disney World, dance camp, Chaselyn being born, the football team taking State, our Wii Christmas, the basketball girls also taking State, meeting and eventually dating Coady, and all the numerous times just hanging out goofing around with friends. I just wonder how many of my friends I'll actually keep in touch with.

I know we all say that we'll still talk and visit each other during college, but part of my reason for going to college where I'm going was to make new friends. I'm definitely not going to just drop my friends but I think its important to branch out and not just stick with the same people your whole life. There are a few people that no matter where you go or what you do you'll always be friends. College is a test of those kinds of friendships.

As my last days of high school approach I can't help but wonder if I made the most of it. Looking at my scholarship resume, I guess I could have done more community service, had a job, and made a little bit better grades. On the other hand, I had dance to keep me busy all the time, the toughest course-load of my class, was an officer in many school clubs, kept a 3.91 GPA, volunteered for my teachers and the softball team, and somehow kept a social life through all of it. There are a few moments in high school that I regret, but all of those taught me something. Sometimes I feel bad because I'm not doing anything to change the world like the kids I see on the news. Then I realize that they are on the news because they are doing something that is sadly rare.

I've just had a lot going through my head lately with the stress of finals and my graduation speech. I just felt like typing it all out where I could read it would make it all straighten out.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

It's a love story.....

Senior prom 2009...Love Story

It was one of the greatest nights ever. Friends, food, dancing, reminiscing, riding around in a nice car, and getting dressed up. All some of my favorite things and I had over 12 straight hours of it. My dress was gorgeous, something out of a dream. It was styled like the Disney Princess Belle's yellow ball gown. I felt like a princess the entire night as I wore it. I even had a little girl run up to me when we were eating wanting to touch my dress. It was almost heartbreaking when her mom scooped her up real fast and scolded her. I felt like I got her in trouble.

The original plans were for my friends to meet at my house, then Coady and I would go to where his mom works, and then we'd meet up again with everyone at the the restraunt. Plans never completely go right though. My friends were running half an hour late so after Coady and I took pictures at my house we decided to just have my friends meet us at his mom's work and then we'd go to Cheddar's together. I almost freaked out when we got to Cheddar's because the wait was going to be so long, but they hurried things along and we were seated in about half an hour. The food was delicious and we got out of there in plenty of time to get downtown.

The prom itself was beautiful. The Junior class went all out and it showed. The theme was based off of Taylor Swift's song Love Story. The colors were black, silver, and a light blue. They had a punch fountain and a chocolate fountain. The dj was great and since most of us knew him he played whatever song we wanted without any questions. I danced almost every song. I never got bored.

After prom we walked outside to find that it was pouring down rain. Some of the streets to the bowling alley were completely flooded and we had to drive slow to keep from hydroplaning. Once we got to the bowling alley, we realized there was no way we were going to bowl anytime soon. Coady and a couple of my friends decided to just go back to my house and watch a movie.

It was a relief to get home safe and sound and out of the rain. We watched Another Cinderella Story to continue the princess feeling of the night. A couple more friends joined us before we headed to senior breakfast at the church hall. Basically, senior breakfast is a way for parents to get their kids in from the parties. After breakfast we headed back home and finished the movie.

Even the stressful parts of last night are already funny. I'm a little sad thats it's my last prom but I'm glad it was as perfect as it could be.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Feel the rain falling hard on my shoulders....

I've had this song stuck in my head all day!! Back and forth by Lanae Hale is my favorite song right now. It just reminds me that no matter how fast and hard the "storm" seems to be hitting me, I'll be alright. Lately, things just seem to be coming from all directions. Sometimes I want to please everybody, other times I realize that it's not possible and focus on what I want. Neither methods are great. When I try to please everyone else I end up with a lot of extra unrewarding work, and when I try to do my own thing I feel guilty and selfish. I'm trying to work to find middle ground.....

My parents, friends, and my boyfriend are amazing though. I wouldn't put up with me if I was them. I feel like I've been a stressed out mess with prom, school, and graduation coming up. Speaking of prom......

I have some pictures from my boyfriend's prom

We had a lot of fun. A ton of pictures were taken but I haven't seen them yet. The last one is my favorite and was taken in the limo on the way to eat. We were posing smiley for a cute picture and then he turned his head and gave me a hug at the last second. The girl taking the picture couldn't stop laughing.

Softball, Easter, and Baseball this weekend. I leave tomorrow afternoon to go on an overnight trip with the softball girls and get back sometime late Saturday. Then Sunday is Easter with the family at the baseball park. Should be a lot of fun and a lot of catching up to do.

Well I have to go pack for tomorrow night. 12 girls....this will be interesting ha ha.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

I'm going out tonight in my red high heels.......

PROM TONIGHT! :) I've got my hair fixed and my nails done and it's only 1 in the afternoon. ha ha My boyfriend will be here in a few hours to take pictures then we're going to meet the limo and head into town. I'll be sure to put some pictures of tonight on here later.

This week has been busy with the last batch of scholarship applications being due and dance tryouts all week. I didn't get home before 6 any day this week. I loved teaching the dance girls their tryout dance though. My friends and I were saying the whole time how we wished we were trying out again. But we're not Charmers anymore.. :( I have a little over a month of school left, and considering that most of that is testing days, it's not a good time to get senioritis. I've been fighting the sickness a lot this week. I just want to goof off and not do homework. I just have to buckle down and bare with it though.

I have to finish getting ready for tonight though...maybe more updates later

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Spring Break!....around the house

So while all my friends are here and there in different parts of the country, celebrating their week off, I am at home pretty much all week. Such is the punishment for getting in a wreck that costs your parents a couple thousand dollars. I've known since October that I wasn't going to get to go anywhere for Spring Break, but I guess I just never realized the full extent of that. Not only am I still here but because all my friends are gone, I can't call anyone up to go hangout. The only company I have had besides my parents is my boyfriend and a couple of his guy friends. Its fun to joke around with them but I can't wait for my girl-friends to get back ha ha.

The weather is also making this Spring Break difficult. Its warm and sunshiny for an afternoon and then rainy by that night. Its supposed to snow this weekend! The forecast is a roller coaster of precipitation and cold and warm and sunny. Today it was raining really hard but it had stopped storming so my boyfriend and I took the four-wheeler out and attempted to go mudding. We made it about ten minutes in the cold rain before we decided that it wasn't the best idea.

Though this Spring Break hasn't exactly been amazing, I am thankful for the time off of school and the extra time it gives me to write scholarship stuff. I can't believe I have less than two months until graduation. I probably won't see half my classmates again after graduation night. I'm making myself a slideshow/movie thing of my senior year. Already it's mind boggling to think about all the awesome things that happened this year. I thank God for every moment of this dream year, even for the parts that seemed more like nightmares. I have grown up a lot this year and the good times and the hard times were the cause of that.

I just hope I have grown up enough to go to college on my own in the fall. I know I won't be completely alone, but I won't be living with family anymore. Just the thought of that is weird to me. I've always seen where I'm going to college as a kind of second hometown, but is it really home if your family isn't there? I know my brother will probably still be living in a house right next to campus but it's not the same. I will be sharing a room with someone I won't even know for the first few weeks, and a bathroom with a dozen girls I don't know. I'm excited to make new friends but there is a difference between making new friends and being forced to make friends.

And what becomes of my old friends? Of my close friends, none of us are going to the same college. And what about Coady and me? I mean supposing our relationship lasts through the summer, then what? I just keep thinking what a big life change college is and it just feels like I am beginning a whole new life. But then again, it can't be that difficult to deal with. Millions of teens do it every year. The more I think the more I realize how easily things change with time. Then again, I overthink a lot.

So while this post started out as a Spring Break complaint, as always my thoughts turned to college. Next Spring Break I won't be left home, I'll be coming home for a week.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Whoa! time goes by!!!

So I thought I would get another post up here since I haven't for like two and a half weeks! I had no idea it had been that long! So much exciting things going on.....I'll try to just sum it all up in a top ten list.

1. Brandi and Chaselyn came to Arkansas for the week
2. Basketball Girls Win State Championship! Congrats Lady Tigers!
3. Baseball, Softball all the time now
4. Scholarship season wrapping up....working to meet deadlines!
5. Proms coming soon...mostly ready : )
6. Spring Break '09 starts tomorrow!
7. Dance tryouts in two weeks
8. Recieved a partial scholarship to my top school :)
9. Graduation in two months
10. Senior Pictures next weekend with Jim

So much to do, so little time to do it. I don't know what I am going to do once summer gets here. I will have to find something else to keep me busy. Surely with the All-Star games, orientation, vacation, and family time I'll stay entertained : )

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Oh the snow!

Whew! Yesterday can be described in one word: rushed. Before the wedding and during the reception, Laura, Randa, and I were running around constantly working starting at 11. It was freezing outside, and actually started snowing! We all had dresses on so we were shaking cold. We had to clear plates and make sure the food didn't get too low at the reception. The wedding was so pretty and the reception so cute, but I was tired when we finally left at 6:30. My day wasn't done though. I still had a basketball game.

Because of the wedding, we missed all but the very end of the girls game :(. We got to watch all of the boys game and perform our last halftime performance at Charleston. It's sad that I won't get to dance there anymore, but I knew that it had to end sometime. At least I have the All Star games in June. A lot of Charleston fans, some I didn't even really know, came up to me after the game and told me how much they had enjoyed watching us dance this year. That's what got to me the most. This year, even though the team was REALLY small, we had some of the most talented dancers that the school has had. All of us wanted to be out there performing. Sometimes we didn't like the dance we were doing, but we put on a smile and did it anyways.

Mom and I were going to go to the Razorback baseball game but a few minutes after we were on the road, my brother called to tell us it was canceled. Apparently, the dusting of snow we got yesterday, left three inches a little farther north. With the snow and the weather still being frigid, they decided not to play. Almost makes you feel bad for the other team who rode on a bus to play a three game weekend series and only got to play Friday night.

Tomorrow, hopefully, I'll hear on my scholarship to the U of A. The past couple days we haven't had any mail at all. Everyday that there isn't a letter, I get more and more nervous. It's hard to wait a few days for something you've wanted for so long.

I guess patience is a virtue I don't have.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Is it Thursday already?

This week has just flown by! I have so many things due and I'm struggling to keep up! I was selected to dance in the All Star games in June and I have to get a sports physical as part of my registration. The due date for the forms is March 2, so for some reason I've been thinking I have plenty of time to turn it in. Unfortunately, March 2 is Monday. So I'm going to call the local clinic and see if I can get an appointment tomorrow afternoon (pray that I can get in!) and then mail the forms off as soon as I'm done. I knew one day my procrastination would catch up to me :(

We had concessions again tonight. It wasn't nearly as bad as last night though since we got to leave when we were done. I have two tests tomorrow though and so I had to sit down and study once I got home. I'll be glad for the weekend. If everything goes according to planned, it should be an awesome event packed few days. The plan for after the games tomorrow night is a High School Musical marathon date night at my friend's house. How we talked our boyfriends into agreeing to this, I have no idea! Saturday I'm serving at a wedding reception and then hopefully the championship games will be that night. The dance team is serving the reception, and we were told that we were welcome to join the dance floor at any time :). Sunday is baseball! Again, so much stuff, so little time, so worth it!

I have the lyrics to "You Found Me" by The Fray stuck in my head. It's one of my favorite songs. The first time I ever heard it I was driving home and the words of the chorus just hit me. I suggest this song to anyone who has ever felt alone or doubted God. It really made me realize that no matter what struggles or triumphs I am going through, he is always with me.

I think that pretty much sums up whats on my mind right now. I gotta go get some sleep

Good Night!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Headed to school

I have a few minutes before i have to leave for school, so I thought I'd check up on this. Today is going to be a LONG day. I have to work concessions right after school today and then our teams play at 7. I won't get home until about 10:30 tonight :( I love the basketball games but the tournaments are killing me. I get home late and have to do homework then go to bed to wake up early and do it all again the next day. I hardly get to watch the games either. Being on the dance team, I'm always rushing around to make sure we are ready for our halftime performance. There's been quite a few games where I haven't seen a second of the game until the third quarter! Anyways, I better get going so I'm not late to AP Cal.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

New to this......

I'm not sure where to start on here. I found my sister had a blog, and I thought it would be a cool idea for the last few months of my senior year. I came up with the title because my family is always telling me that I ramble on and on with a story instead of just telling it. I hope I'll be able to keep this updated with many stories of the end of my high school days.

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, marking the beginning of Lent. I personally am giving up cokes and candy, and I'm praying to not get too many caffeine headaches! Why is everything that's bad for you taste so good? Perhaps along with growing in my faith, I can become healthier, too. After a weekend of baseball with my family, anyone would need a healthy diet to recover. Example A: Bacon explosion. This new tailgating favorite consists of bacon wrapped in sausage wrapped in bacon. It's a heart attack waiting to happen! But I'll be the first to tell you it is SOOOO good.

Tomorrow night starts Regional Basketball Tournament. Luckily, my school is hosting it this year so I get to dance at our games. I'm going to miss dancing after this year, but I just won't have the time to be a dancer in college. It's going to be hard to give up performing for a halftime crowd since I've been doing it since I was two.

Obviously I have been rambling....oops!